Oops I done it again .......

 I really can’t believe that after my last blog in which I said I was going to spend time on me and actually make time to do this I haven’t.

I have actually gone back to my factory reset button which is work, work and if there is a little minute work some more. I am not sure where it comes from but I have always been the same.

The sad thing is I have worked so hard this December I am finding it very hard to switch off and relax.

I haven’t picked up my camera since my birthday which is two months ago, I find this very sad, I haven’t read a novel either. I am sat here tonight not actually knowing what to do, I have had a lovely day out in the community putting up posters for Slimming World and the past few days I have been out and about delivering leaflets.

This is part of my role that I find most difficult, doesn’t matter how much I try I simply can not post a leaflet through a letter box, I have accepted this I think but it still upsets me that I can’t do it. I am not sure why a silly thing like a leaflet gets to me but it does every campaign.

This time I have approached things differently and it has worked, I asked my members in group to help me and both my groups have amazed me. These aren’t all the people that have helped but I have permission to use this photo on social media. I worked really hard with google maps and a spread sheet, we attacked both my areas like a military operation everyone had there streets to do and we have delivered 6250 leaflets in the last couple of days. Apart from one small hick up its all gone well so well I have been left with all this adrenaline that I really don’t know what to do with.

In my typical Amanda style I have eaten cake and chocolate, that’s ok I am starting to realise I do this when I am feeling unsettled I don’t know how to deal with the feeling that we have done an amazing job and ok I haven’t actually posted a leaflet but they have all been done, now I need to look after myself and be ready to welcome people in January.

2020 is so going to be a fabulous year something is niggling at me I feel a challenge coming along but I really am not sure what it is, I do know that I want to use my skills to help people be happy and I would love to just be me.  When I do relax and get on with life instead of worrying about things I have so much fun, I loved my day at Elf the musical I so wish I could sing and dance ,I feel a little sad that the Elf outfit is going away for another year or is it.

I am going to try and get back into the habit of blogging everyday, and looking after my own mental health which has kinda gone out of the picture, I don’t do New Year Resolutions but I might this year.

Its Christmas For Us Too

Well I have had a fabulous weekend, busy but really good fun just what I needed. Camera club was really good haven't had chance to look at my pictures yet but that's ok.
Saturday morning  was spent doing grown up things like ironing. Last night really couldn't sleep because of such horrible pain in my right thigh another bit of muscle dying, really is get difficult on my right leg now.
Today we have had such a lovely day, nice visit from one of our daughters so I quick trip to Asda.
Now I am going to try not to moan and it's not just Asda and it doesn't just effect me. As I always say it's not just about me.
Why oh why is it suddenly OK to fill every aisle with all the big containers full of chocolates, wrapping paper extra everything. I get it everyone likes to buy a little extra but how are we supposed to get past, it's hard enough at the best of times. Now we have to negotiate everything in the aisles as well. That's if we can even get into the shop, these pop up stalls and markets ice rinks etc are fabulous but most have a little step so no good for me.
Was helping in the kitchen when my stupid right leg decided to give way fell forward and really head butted Clive very hard in the middle of his back. Was great for me did hurt but not as much as hitting the deck, didn't do Clive much good though.
The three of us are off to Nottingham in the morning to the Christmas Market. Hopefully will have some pictures too.

Its just such a busy time for Elves

I truly can not believe that I haven’t done one single blog since the 9th Nov and it is now Dec 6th, it is such a busy time of year for Elves, I am actually gutted that I haven’t been able to keep blogging but tiredness has got in the way.

There is a tiredness and then there is this Muscular Dystrophy Tiredness I have been greedy and had both, I also needed a bit of time to think through some thoughts. I absolutely love my little blog and I started this to try and help encourage people to be able to just be their selves, to try and help increase awareness of living with a disability and I suppose to try and smash some of the stereotypes about life in a chair. The one thing that I didn’t actually think through was people that actually know and care about me read it too, this is were the problem came I started to worry on the impact it might have on them which has kinda made it really hard to write recently.

I have so much I do want to do with this blog and I am determined to continue with it, I still haven’t spoke about my trip to London and I have been on a training course on my own, ok no big deal at 50 but I haven’t been able to do this for a very long time it was good it felt grown up.

I want to write about how acceptance is the key and using equipment gives us so much more independence, this isn’t something we can fight it isn’t about giving up or in. I have absolutely no control to how this will progressive physically. Muscular Dystrophy will win physically it is doing but I will try my best for it not to get me mentally.

I have had to come to terms And say farewell to some more muscle in my right thigh it has finally given up ,which means I can no longer move my right leg independently, its taken a couple of weeks to get into the swing of things but my left foot (how profound) is getting very clever at hooking itself around my right foot to move it, jeans are also great for man handling the leg to move it where I would like it to go.

This silly tiredness I have been talking about is nasty its not like that feeling you get when you have worked hard or been for a nice walk etc when you can sit down and feel glowing its different, its when you feel physically sick and either fall straight to sleep when you stop for a minute or you just haven’t even the strength or attention span to do anything nice, its kinda hard then not to feel irritable.

Its hard to tell if the tiredness is because I have been doing so much more with Clive being ill or if it is another progression of the Muscular Dystrophy, so I am having to take stock and really consider how and what I want to use my strength for, which isn’t an easy thing to do at all.

I did decide to stop blogging which in hind site was the wrong thing  to do for me, because I do enjoy it so much , not sure it has helped anyone but it was helping me. 

I absolutely love this picture too, yep it is a Slimming World Picture which is another massive part of my life and I have purposely not mentioned it , I do think the dog could be Seabass. I feel like I have missed so many opportunities to bring my world of Elves to life as I really do love this time of year . I actually can feel excitement in my fingers just typing about it. 

I am now going to go and get ready for camera club and I feel so much better already