Tuesday, 30 June 2020
This made me really smile the other night I thought it was so funny, maybe you just need my brain to appreciate it, anyway I went to sleep smiling on Saturday evening because who doesn’t like Kermit the frog. I am sure well I know I am not the only person whose sleep pattern has gone completely crazy I didn’t stay asleep long and woke up thinking about my hair.
How was I going to be able to put my hair up in a bobble my silly arms can’t move like that sitting down or standing up, I asked a couple of people whose reply was Clive will have to learn how to do it. Well I am sorry that really isn’t an option bless him he does most things I ask but I really would rather not go back to having my hair done like my mum used to do it. You must all related they pull the ponytail so tight they give you an instant face lift you cant even close your eyes the skin is pulled so tight oh and the headache. I am sure mum thought hair clips were actually mean’t to be embedded in your scalp too.
So I started to think very dangerous if you are Amanda, I have learn’t a lot of skills during lockdown and most of them I have learn’t from good old you tube, my you can waste so much time watching absolute rubbish. I remember my daughter saying about a disabled girl who could do her makeup so well and she did You Tube videos that were amazing, so I managed to find a young lady who had a tutorial HowTo Put your Hair Up With One Arm seriously you can learn anything. I watched and thought and watched again. Still not able to sleep I went onto Facebook big mistake normally I have been keeping my distance please just don’t get me started on the lack of sense in some people and the rubbish that people think it is OK to say. Ok I will stop I promise. So an event reminder came up about a Virtual Vegan Market I had clicked interested in months ago , yes I was going to go in real life was really looking forward to it.
I then thought well why not give it a go I have nothing to lose do I , and lets face it I have 0% catching Covid from a virtual market. So I snuggled back down at about 5 am to hatch my plan. I was determined not to be poor old me, if only I could go out like other people life isn’t fair etc etc. I did start thinking oh but I would have bought vegan brownies yes my brownie addiction is still going strong and maybe a little piece of chocolate cake and it would be rude to not try a cookie wouldn’t it.
I now have a plan I have all the ingredients for a chocolate cake. I like everyone else bought them at the start of Lockdown me being me worked out the syns for the small cake , it was over 50 for one so actually hadn’t made the cake. I thought you know what Amanda this Slimming World is taking over your life , your stressed ,your tired give yourself a break cut yourself some slack.
Sat straight back up to google my recipes for cookie and cheese cake yes I do have the ingredients yippee I planned to make my treats then pop them in little bags for after the virtual market next job shower.
This is the most genius part of the whole situation I was so excited I new I had the skills to sort any damage after ,great plan, what to wear outfit sorted. I absolutely love being able to chose what I want to wear not what fits, everyone who has ever had a weight problem gets this, I have worked flipping hard during Lockdown on my own personal journey. I really am not ashamed to say that I have been attending a Virtual Group for me as a member and loving it, then I thought yep I had said I wanted a pound this week thats doable nothing was going to get in my way, I am 2 pound away from being spot on my Target, ping I suddenly didn’t want to do the baking after all. Sure treats are nice but it had taken me 4 weeks to lose 2.5 pounds that would easily go on with the amount of syns planned. I want my Target back so much more.
Now what to do with the spare time the market doesn’t start till 10.30 yep try and put my hair up, well I am not going to say it was easy, I certainly swore a flipping lot, I distinctively remember actually saying well its alright for her, at least her other arm is normal I have two stupid arms that can’t lift them selfs up on there own. I never like thinking those thoughts it really isn’t a competition who has more issues than the next, other peoples struggles don’t make mine any easier to cope with.
I actually managed to find a way to wedge one elbow on my drawers then lift the other arm with the first grab a bit of hair and use the wall to secure it. This was repeated until it was all in place, was ok until I saw the back yep it was pants.
But I am a stubborn bugger and it was not going to beat me so I kept trying and it was ok I thought. Do you know what if people disagree I don’t actually care.
So yep all ready I sat on my comfy chair Seabass on my knee at the virtual market, it was flipping amazing so many gorgeous jewellery stalls, ,my goodness the cake stalls too. There was even a lunch area which you could order vegan food for delivery. I had a great time I really did , I so enjoyed being able to get to the front of every stall look at what I wanted to see and take as long as I wanted. The best bit was that I wasn’t tempted to buy anything at all, I do know where to order from when I want too though.
I am going to do more stuff like this,it really has made me feel just a little bit more like me again.
The best bit too its my day to send my Consultant my results and its not the pound I wanted its 3 go me ,I am now back under Target feeling amazing this morning and planning my own groups for the week. Which are going to be Fabulous watch this space.
Monday, 29 June 2020
I can’t believe it is already the end of June 2020 I am so annoyed at myself on many levels. The first being that I have been a big tart and stopped blogging, one thing that I really do enjoy and know it really helps me. I started this blog as I have said before in the hope that I might be able to help just one disabled person come to accept who they are whether they need to lose weight or not.
I have said before I actually didn’t expect family and friends to read this, I haven’t felt able to post anything because I haven’t wanted anyone to know how I have been really feeling, I wanted to be really brave and just get on with things , I should of learnt a long time ago what I want and what actually get are often not the same thing. I have been really struggling on many levels and I am cross that I havent felt able to share this as I am always the first to go on about we shouldn’t be embarrassed how we feel, but that ok when it isn’t me.
I don’t want my first post to go on and on and bore the pants off you so I am going to try and just do a really quick summary and see how it goes.....um I hear you saying I bet she can’t keep her word. As you can see from my picture taken yesterday like most people my hair has grown, it hasn’t been this long in over 22 years now I feel very old, I have lost more muscle but that’s another story but I can still stand which I am so grateful for, Seabass is still by my side everyday and is one of the best decisions we ever made was getting a Bulldog I can’t believe I am saying that. I think I am going to be incredibly grateful for this photo and a hair bobble but I will come back to this.
So what’s been up then, well I was busy worrying about my future the MD was progressing rapidly and I really didn’t know which way I wanted my life to go then we started hearing these reports off COVID 19, well my world has gone totally upside down on many levels. We have all been scared I am nothing special everyone’s life is different I really am just going blurt this stuff out because I am ok now and don't to sound like I am full of self pity because I am not.
You all know that I love my role as a Slimming World Consultant and if you are a member of a group you know that we are still running our groups virtually, you will not know that in order to do this all Consultants have had to work so so hard, we have learnt so many new skills so quickly, I have learnt more IT skills in 12 weeks than I thought possible and I am proud of this, the admin side of our role is phenomenal asking for payments logging payments tracking payments, answering queries its a totally different system to what we had before, we have had a lot of support from Slimming World but all these meetings and courses take time, we are all working long hours 7 days a week, trying to keep our groups going supporting our members when its really hard for everyone. I totally understand members who have had to stop attending people have lost there jobs everyone is worried about their financial security me included , over half my members haven’t felt able to continue their membership which to be blunt for me is a huge drop in income for a huge increase in work load. It’s been the hardest time ever as a Consultant everyone has wanted needed to comfort eat and I just pray that there will be a Slimming World for everyone to come back too when it is safe to do so. I truly believe that every member that has stuck with me will make it to Target as they my not feel they are where they want to be but they have all done amazing.
You will have noticed my blogging editing skills are now rubbish I need to relearn how to do this. You might recall I had tried a plant based diet which I am so pleased to say is flipping fabulous I love it and have loads to say about this at a future date.
Shielding is pants I havent been outside my bungalow at the front for 15 weeks or been off my decking its been hard I miss my children all four of them , I miss my mum and dad both 82 I am frightened to death they are going to get COVID. I am not as frightened of me dying from it I am frightened of catching the bloody thing and surviving, crazy you may think but it isn’t. If the bug doesn’t kill me which it probably will the damage it will do to my muscles is hard to read, I am not sure how i would cope if couldn’t move arms legs couldn’t sit up , eat drink not really much of a life for anyone.
While the virus is out there and there isn’t a vaccine or a treatment I am at great risk, its so scary the MD society are working really hard to advise us best they can , what really worries me and thousands of others that when shielding is suspended what happens to us. It’s a big decision to have to make to weigh up the risks I do know at the moment it isn’t safe for me. But if one more person asks me when it will be safe I am going to totally lose my marbles, for the record I want to go out, I want to go see my parents it should be me looking after my parents, I want to go see my daughters new home, my sons new home meet his new partner her children my first little adopted children haven't met Nanna the Elf. We both have had to rely on friends and family for everything I miss the outside world I do but keep asking me when it is going to be safe I don’t know, if the R rate goes down it will be sooner if it goes up it will be later.
Well I am going stop now tomorrow I promise to blogg about the market I went too and the hair bobble, just hope I have the courage to press publish.