Tuesday, 23 July 2019

Me at my best or is it worst

I have started this blog to hopefully help me continue in my journey of acceptance of who I am, not who I thought I was but also two other major things one if I can help just one person alongside me start to feel that whatever they are facing physically or mentally it is OK to ask for help but also where to go to find that help that might  be right for them.
The other thing I really want to achieve is to help improve the way disabled people feel about themselves and how other people can sometimes not always perceive us as somewhat less than themselves.
My blog with be 100% honest of my feelings and opinions I need to point out these are mine doesn't mean they will be the same as yours and doesn't mean you will necessary  agree with them all,  but they are mine at the time of writing no right no wrong just MY FEELINGS.,if that's how I feel that's how I feel.
The other thing that will become apparent the more you stick around me is that my command of English grammar does need major work my spelling is also appalling tends to go along with mild dyslexia. Oh I am very sarcastic at times against myself and I have to use humour as my safety method for not going totally insane throughout all of this.

I will keep referring to these points from time to time so I remember why I started this not for the number of followers or likes or comments etc.

I do not feel 100% confident in what I am doing with this blog however I don't want to miss such an exciting time in my life to write about the crazy mixed feelings we have on our journey of life.

We I will refer to me and my partner as this effects everyone that is close to us, are about to begin a very exciting time but also a time that I have previously dreaded as if it would be the end of me somehow. We will be getting our first wheelchair accessible vehicle in 2 more sleeps. This on one hand is going to make our life so much more enjoyable not mentioning the safety aspect of not having to waddle across a road to be lifted in and out of the car. When we arrive at our destination I am as fully  independent as I can be. I will no longer need to be pushed around (I can currently only self propel my chair on smooth flat surfaces), so I can now go uphill all by myself like a big girl.
The fatigue will be so much less I will be able to wear whatever shoes I like more on that later.

However and this Is a big however, to me I will in my mind be well and truly in the disabled gang, I will be in the WAV (Wheel Chair Accessible Vehicle) gang and this is why I didn't want to miss the opportunity while these emotions and feelings are fresh. It has taken me a long time not to be embarrassed at the fact that I don't want to be disabled because does that mean I think I am somewhat better than someone who is disabled. No I don't .It just means I would rather not have progressed to the point of needing a chair of any sorts let alone a power chair and a WAV, I don't want to be disabled who does, it has taken me 18 years of why me to accept the fact of why not me, still don't like it but this is me either get on with it or keep fighting against it , that fighting way kinda didn't work but that again is for another long post.

I also have a bit of a perfectionist trait which isn't good I can become very narrow minded and focused on just one thing, at times this is good ,but  not always when 2 days later you realise you haven't done anything but that particular project not even eaten or slept.
 I am trying to learn to achieve a balance in my life. The me the real me wants to get this blog up and running like the best ever most professional blog out there .Doesn't matter that professional blog sites have teams of people and have experience I have to be like that straight away, however I have learnt this isn't possible right now I need to know what a widget is, a gadget, a label goodness this girl didn't know what a domain was until a week ago. I need to buy a book yes I have every xxxxxxfor dummies book available and I am on amazon shortly to see if there is one for blogging there must be.

I have made a massive decision for me to start the blog now not knowing what I am doing and to try and not do it at the expense of all other areas in my life, then hopefully I can record how I feel during this very exciting time of getting the new car. At this minute the sun is shinning and I am really excited about the car trying to look at all the positives and plan the adventures we are going to have , it has thrown up a lot of feelings which I will talk about at a later date because I really do need to go and attend to other things, like do some work, and peg out the washing that's a post for later too.

So I am just going to google the Blogging for Dummies book and try my best to practise what I preach and go do some work oh and eat maybe. If people read and enjoy my blog that's going to be great but I have really enjoyed my day so yes it has been worth starting now and trying to do something new.

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