A mad womens' search to accept who she actually is, letting go of who she thought she would be whilst trying to stay mentally well and maintain her 4st 7lbs weight loss.
Maybe just maybe help someone else on their journey of self acceptance and help anyone disabled or not have the faith that they can achieve healthy weight without exercise.
Yesterday I braved the scary world of Skin Specialist in the search for the Rudolph free nose. This was so outside my comfort zone, I am really unsure why I have been so apprehensive about seeking help with my facial problems. I think have just been plain embarrassed not sure what about whether I thought it was being vain, think more to the fact that I haven't liked to ask for help I kinda thought people would think I am a little daft. Yes I still want to feel beautiful in a chair or not. Yes I am bothered how I look not for anybody else but for me. I am actually worth the effort. Sue Baites the absolutely lovely skin specialist put me straight at ease. I actually had a Carbon Laser mask, have strict instructions on how to care for this beautiful little face. It's going take me so long to do my skin care routine in the morning there won't be anytime before it's time to do the evening routine. Best get up an hour earlier. Also might just cost a little too oops sorry going to need a third income soon.
It was camera club last night, we all went off to take close up pictures of flowers umm. First time in power chair with camera and tripod, let's just say didn't go quite as planned. I moved my foot plates so could get closer to camera, needed to move about 3cm to reach my lens to focus... Forgot had chair on run speed shot forward over own foot into tripod, I did manage to catch my camera. So proud didn't cry, well don't want everyone to think of me as the poor little disabled girl so felt like best not act a baby. I did sulk inside though and put my camera away. On the bright side if I hadn't I wouldn't of noticed the geese. They were so funny toddling around the place, especially the back one because as he walked he kept wiggling his bottom, made me laugh.
Got home feeling really fed up and Seabass had wee weed on the bed, at least it wasn't on my side.
Today have woken up with more determination to find a way to manage camera and power chair and I will.
Spent the most amazing day with some wonderful people. I have been Raffle lady at an event in aid of SOBS Survivors of Bereavement from Suicide. What was really nice on my part I really am starting to not really be self conscious in the chair in fact I am wondering why I made so much fuss about it in the first place. We can't help how we feel at the time though. Going back to earlier it is heart breaking the knock on effect depression and suicide has on families. It is still so misunderstood. I really really find it so hard when people think it selfish and a cowards way out. A person feels so desperate, that their family would genuinely, be better off without them. Often leaving devastated families behind who then have to try and rebuild their lives with very little help and support. Charities like this needs all our help and today I feel blessed that even in my darkest hours I have been able to ask for help, it's not always easy for people. I hope and pray if anyone reading this may need help can find the strength To click the link here. And ring the helplines.
It's day 6 of no kitchen and another yummy fish salad. Fully food optimising all the way through. I am so excited for tomorrow the Slimming World Golden Bus is coming to Nottingham and I am part of it, going to be so much fun.
I am being dropped off and going to a grown up by myself, fingers crossed don't get into a pickle.