Don't get me wrong I have over synned but that's OK I have counted every syn and enjoyed each and every one of them. I have felt incredibly in control.
This last six days a lot of my bad habits came back, I am not going to list all my wrong doings it won't help anyone but I have sat eating things just because it is there. I started with granola don't really like, I haven't enjoyed it, I have sat eating it telling myself I am useless, rubbish etc. feeling totally out of control.
Each day vowing to be 'good' today, missing breakfast far too busy and to be honest feeling a bit yuck from over indulging the day before. Then getting too hungry not making the best choices and yep, spoilt it today start again tomorrow. We have all been in this cycle.
I am so fortunate to have Slimming World in my life.
So with the help of Margaret if you don't food optimising Margaret is the founder of SLIMMING WORLD. She talks about thinking how to protect ourselves and to address each slip as a learning opportunity.
No food is a 'good' or 'bad' food it is all just food. I know what to do, I need to eat breakfast never have time so I need to make my breakfast early in the day before I get too tired so that it is done ready. Make sure I don't go to long without food get too hungry as I will not eat healthy food, I need to make sure I know what I am going to have for lunch and tea and also is it sensible choice, by that I mean will I have the energy to make it. There is no point me making plans for something that takes a lot of preparation on a Thursday, I am just so tired will not happen.
This process I just need to do it, but I started this by saying last night I was thinking and a massive light bulb went hello. I lay in bed thinking how much calmer I felt already, I had only had one full day food optimising. So why do I go off the rails, I remember my psychologist working through things with me, I am a problem solver I love to work things out how can I do x y and z. Finding my own solution I need to feel in control of me.
So I think because I am feeling totally out of control over my toilet situation I almost put 3 pounds on on purpose, so I have something to control.
Something I can achieve I know it sounds crazy but I truly think that's what I do. I know exactly what to do to lose weight.
The great thing is I am now thinking how God damn interesting what a complex person I am, which is so much nicer to myself than just being cross angry and ashamed of myself.
I hope this might help someone else, of coarse this was totally out of my awareness I thought it was because I was just stupid which clearly I am not.
So I am pleased to say as we do I have my mojo back where she belongs food optimising being kind to me.
The picture is a fabulous present I got today from an amazing lady who just knows what makes me tick. Christmas. 18 weeks that's all.
|Disabled obviously can't work|
I have underlined the most amusing part keeping people independent for longer.
When I rang yesterday I actually cried because I felt so desperate, the lady to be fair did listen, did keep me updated on what was happening. The situation was left yesterday with a lady from clos o mat would ring me to arrange an engineer to visit. Hallelujah for tears.
When I came home to this my first response was to eat 4 jellybeans then I thought nope not going down that route. After I eat 4 but not the whole jar.
Clive rang medequip, today the women was just plain rude, she knew nothing about a visit, bless him Clive is good he just calmly suggest she find out as we clearly have a card through the door. She came back with.... an engineer came round and you wasn't in. No, really, I thought funny that we kinda knew that, maybe if they had phoned first I could of made sure someone was in, they are amazed I work. So disabled people obviously don't need to poop or can possibly go out.
Going to leave the waffling today, with 2 days food optimising and tomorrow I am so excited to be going out with other Slimming World Consultants spreading the love.
Still don't know if they are coming to look at my toilet or not.